Mission completed

Its been eleven days since I finished my half ironman tri, and even with the time and perspective I can still say I have ZERO desire to do a full ironman.  Forewarning now, I will continue to repeat that.

Here is what I learned in the pursuit and completion of this BHAG:

1. First that I had defined my BHAG the wrong way.  I thought this whole time my big hairy audacious goal was to finish 70.3 miles. When in reality, by definition of a BHAG, what I was truly in pursuit of a much more visionary goal and something emotional.  What I was in pursuit of is proving that I was strong enough mentally and physically to do it thus coming to a new level of self confidence.  I didn't really have this aha moment until I realized I had ZERO desire to do a full ironman. (Repeat #2)  I am pretty damn confident now!

2. To be okay with not being, first, or fast, or anything that relates to being elite.  This race, and the Olympic were humbling.   I was not the fastest in the water, but I had a reasonable time.  I was definitely not the fastest on the bike.  This proved to be true when another biker hit me going up hill because I was going to slow.  I was not the fastest running, even though at that point I was woggling (walk/jogging).  I had to come to terms and acceptance with just finishing (uninjured) as the accomplishment.   Finishing was proof enough that I am strong enough to deal with anything. 

3.  To follow your plan or you are planning to fail.  I know this sounds trite, but it really is true.  There is no way in hell I could have done this without the training I put into it.   It required a daily commitment on my part to train, and that ensured that I would be able to finish without injury.

4. Sharing this accomplishment is really important.  When I ran and finished my full marathon last year no one was waiting for me at the finish line because I picked a race that was out of state.  So no one was there to share the joy of the accomplishment.   That really ended up bumming me out.  I had just done something pretty damn cool and I had to hug a stranger to celebrate.

 However, since this race was "close" to home (45 minutes away) I was able to have my family there waiting for me when I finished.  I was so over joyed to see my husband and girls there (and they were glad to see me!)    I hope that my girls understand that staying committed and focused will allow them to do anything they want, even if it is to swim/bike/run over 70.3 miles.  Here are photos of the signs they made for me at the finish -

So now the questions begs itself, what's next?  I would really like to do Hood to Coast next year.  It just seems like a really cool race.   Perhaps I will adjust the focus on finding a new type of "strong" to continue to foster self confidence.

I will say I want another hundred moments like the one when I finished hand in hand with my girls.

my fear of the acronym D.N.F.

I struggled with consistently working out this week and finally got my butt in gear and did a 10 mile run this morning.   As I acended the hill on Coalton Trail I was riding myself pretty hard about why I elected for the past 3 mornings to stay in my warm and cozy bed rather than head off to masters swim or spin class.   Then I came to the realization I was really worried about being listed as a DNF in my race in 2 weeks.  For those that are not up to date on racing acronyms DNF stands for Did Not Finish, or in my mind Definitely Not (gonna happen) =Failure.  Okay so I have a tendency to over emblish things.  So why would I self sabotage my ability to finish by not getting my work outs in?  I have hundreds of self defeating reasons, but the bottom line is I am afraid of being able to really handle the length and mental challenge of the race and that I am not sure what I will do with myself once I finish it.   I had a similiar fear last year as I came in the home stretch with my marathon training and I will admit that post race I felt lost and not sure how to best redirect my "need to train energy".  I am not one of those people who loves to exercise.  If I am running, biking, or swimming I do it with a purpose in mind, rarely because I just felt like it.

Its also worth mentioning that I run with an ipod full of music from "Disney" peeps and Glee and that this alone is like mental therapy.  Its hard to be down listen to any of this stuff.  About 5 miles into my run I realized part of what I really do like is the challenge of the training and then racing was just to prove the point that all of that training was worth it. I would like to thank Miss Miley Cyrus and her song The Climb to remind me of this point.

And then I got a lil more inspiration from the Biebs to stop all that negative self talk.

Okay you can stop laughing your ass off at me now.    I have plenty of normally kick me in the ass running music like 3OH!3, Ke$ha, Lady Gaga and the like.

The net is I came out of the run refocused to just do my best and not worry so much about finishing, because what matters more is the doing and the trying in the effort to finish.  If the finish happens great, I will just start over again with something else new.

I closed out my run to one of my favorites - 

Tomorrow is a 56 mile ride of the bike course.

the importance of Body Glide on your Attitude

I discovered Body Glide last year during my marathon training.  I came to realize quickly how important this can be when you need run 6+ miles and want to avoid blisters in all sorts of places beyond your feet.  Trust me when I say a heart monitor can cause the mother of all blisters.

As I ran my miles this am on the treadmill  I was annoyed I forgot to pack my mighty stick of body glide. I did knock out 4 miles, but ended up with a blister, but I can't tell you where.

Then as my day progressed I found myself wishing I had body glide for all of me.   Like a ultra layer that keeps all of the annoyances of the day from really bugging me and festering into a blister.  How cool would that be if someone could invent a pill that gave you that state of mind to not get annoyed and with no side effect on your brain allowing you to make rational decisions? 

I realize that all that wishing can be redirected to my attitude and my choice of how I elect to respond to everyday annoyances.  I can't stop the fact that the blister is going to manifest itself, but I can choose how much I want to focus on it, and bitch and moan about it.

A good quote that recaps this is by Charles R. Swindoll.  “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

So I have a bandaid on my booboo on my boo**, and pressed the reset button on my attitude.

Excuses, excuses, and other general BS....

So the summer has flown by.   I have been through summer swim team, an Olympic Tri (which completely kicked my ass), quarter end, and now back to school. 

My goal for the fall is not to be completely crushed/humiliated by the half iron man on September 11th.   I will do my best to hang tough with my swim/bike/run regime for the next 30 days.  I am kicking around the idea of writing the names of some people who lost their lives on 9/11/2001 in remembrance during the tri to help keep me motivated and focused on what I am able to accomplish. 

I had someone ask about my blog last week.  One of my (5) followers (wow I rock) and I realized  have been completely neglecting my accountability factor in my training from what I did last year and blogging and FB updates as  I trained for my marathon.

Here is my commitment to the world out there.  I will at least post once a day until 9/11/2011 on how my training is going.

Here is a quick recap for this week.  Sunday, I did a swim/spin brick-  30 minutes spin (with sprints) on my own + 30 minutes in the outdoor pool.  I felt lazy on Sunday.   But that is because on Saturday I did a 90 minute outdoor ride and then ran 6 miles and I felt GREAT during the workout, but needed  nap in the afternoon to recover.

Monday, was the first day of school.   I was very too focused on my girls in the morning and did not work out.  However,  I did a quick outdoor bike (45 min) for lunch.  It was freakin hot!  It over 85 degrees and a sh**load of traffic at 11am, which completely freaks me out.    I completely smoked Alan-( my husband) small personal victory, but I think that is b/c he had worked out earlier that day and was riding an antiquated bike.  But, hell it felt really good to be faster than him for a change.  Sorry hunny, love you though.

Today (Tuesday) I got a late wake up call  so I worked out for 17 minutes, exactly. I ran sprints.   I am in San Diego and I have to say I friggin love running at sea level!  I should have worked out when I came back from meetings today, but I elected to drink wine and catch up on email.  My bad. 

I do have an early wake up call and plan on running BEFORE I get on the plane tomorrow.  The flip side is to see if I can squeeze a bike or swim tomorrow after I get home after work.  Really need to squeeze in some type of double/brick.

I have to admit I hate working out in the afternoon, in fact my brain is way happier working before 3pm.    So an afternoon workout is almost like brain damage.

Here are the best excuses for not working out that I have found personally and/or posted on line:

1. I don't have the time.  Well, no one does.  Therefore you must make the time. So wake up 30 minutes earlier and go a for a walk/run, bike,etc , its that simple.  Get your ass out of bed and just get it done.  You will not die by waking up 30 minutes earlier.  Or exercise in 10 minute intervals in between calls or meetings.   I know you can find 30 minutes.

2.  I don't have anyone to work out with .   Ya know what you are your best company.  Hanging with just you, yourself, and I is not a bad thing for 30- 60  minutes.  Enjoy the solitude and time to hash out all of those self discussions.  You might just decide you really like yourself and want to kick some ass.

3.   I would rather spend 30 more minutes sleeping.  This one is  hard one for me to argue.  I am a huge advocate for sleep, BUT the upside on exercising is so monumental that the benefits for exercise, even just a walk far out weigh the extra 30 minutes of sleep.  So, put your work out clothes and tennis shoes RIGHT NEXT to the bed.  Let the alarm go off, change clothes in a blur and head out the door with some rockin tunes.  By the time you get back you will be awake and in a kickin mood to make a positive difference in your life and the lives of others.

off to bed now, I have an early wake up call to run then FLY!

the next 30 days

It has been almost 30 days since I posted.  A combination of laziness and poor use of time resulted in not getting a post up.  As my job has transitioned into a higher gear (which I had not realized was possible) and  I have found the balancing act I had in place went completely into the shitter.

There are a couple of positives out of the last 30 days though.  I set a PR in my first half marathon of the season by 5 minutes, yeah me!  Negative split training worked well.  I also managed to shed 7 of the extra 17 pounds I have been toting around with me.  Again, yeah me!  This was primarily done through portion control and calorie counting. I have to admit I am a completely emotional eater.  Stress equals hand me a bag of chips and a glass of wine and let the serotonin do its job.

I think the next 30 days will be pretty interesting.  I will be on the road between 50%-75% of the time.  Being away from my family will completely suck.  However, the upside is the potential impact I can have on my team who is a truly amazing group of people.    My role now is to focus on execution, strategy, and empowerment.  I will have to figure out how to squelch the need to be in control and exude implicit trust...... OMG that will be hard.

So in closing my mantra will be about karma.   Lets pray I'm not a bitch.

Top 10 things running has taught me

As I went for a late afternoon run yesterday I pondered the top 10 things I have learned as I have embraced running.  Here's my list:

I have learned....

10.  to spit while running.  The art of spitting properly is not taught to most girls.  So to learn how to do this effectively while running I think is pretty damn cool.  I know this one is silly in relevance to the other items, but this one made me laugh the hardest.

9.  to let go of "what I think I look like" while running.  I think most women have a hard time with exercising because we don't want to look bad or stupid doing it.  At this point I don't really give a crap how much my boobs bounce or what my hair looks like.

8. to breathe.  I mean really breathe.  Running, especially long distances requires you to be attuned to your breathing.  If  you can't control your breathing you are screwed.

7.  to be in the moment.  I will say that a lot of the time while I am running I am processing all sorts of stuff, work, family, what I should be eating, etc.  But, I have also found that I am taking more time to really be present, notice my surroundings and the beauty, enjoying the time and spirit of my dog as she runs with me,  or showing  gratitude to my fellow runners, especially those that pass me and I wish them luck.  (Someday I hope to be faster and be the one doing more passing.)

6. to listen to my body.  I think most people have  huge disconnect between their head, their heart, and their body.  I will say running has taught me to pay attention even to the slightest of sensations.  That being said a lot of those sensations are my legs, glutes, traps asking me (screaming at me) to stop.  I definitely acknowledge that they are not totally digging going out for 13.1+ miles, but instead tell myself it will be okay and that my body can handle this.

5. that time does matter.  Most people just roll through their days without a true concept of time or its value.  From running I have really come to value my time.  The time I spend away from my family to go for a long 18 mile run, all the way down to the 3 seconds I save and set a PR.  Every second it precious.

4. goals cannot be accomplished without a plan, and that plan needs to be worked on a daily basis.  This one really hit home when I completed my first full marathon last year.  This was a BHAG of a goal, but I broke it down (with the help of my trainer, Jen), and came up with a plan that I worked at everyday to achieve it.

3. it's okay to give myself a break.  This is a tough one for me. People are much more critical of ourselves than anyone else.  I have found that I have to accept the days when I am not really feeling it and running fast, and just let myself walk.  And more over appreciate the fact that I can walk.  Showing self kindness is a lost art, again one that is not taught to most women.

2. that I am strong.  Strong is powerful adjective that I think for the most part people (specially women) do not apply to themselves.  I am proud to say that I have great physical power; have moral or intellectual power

1. to tell self doubt to take flying leap.  You know that nagging voice in your head that tells you all the shit that you can't do, or that you suck, yadda yadda yadda.  Well I finally had a come to Jesus conversation with that voice and told it no longer could run around wreaking havoc on me.  I have found faith in myself that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.

off the deep end

Its been since Oct 2010 since I last posted and I will admit that work and life in general seemed to be going so fast that I couldn't keep up.  Its now 4 months later and I am sitting here thinking the excuses have to stop and I need to get serious and get committed again to making time to run ( or any form of exercise) and find some better balance in life.

With that in mind I have signed up for my first half marathon of the year, Boulder Spring Half Marathon, and will push myself to work toward a PR.  I have found especially when money and my pride is on the line I tend to behave a little differently.  Image that, me being motivated by $$$ and my ego?!  I guess its a good thing I am sales.

I do also have plans for some goals for this spring, summer and a BHAG to complete a half Ironman this fall.

Here is the plan for the next few months:

May - must have six pack abs by the SilkRoad users conference. No way I can be seen in a bathing suit by co-workers and clients unless I drop some serious body fat.  That means no more carbs and focus on consistent cardio and weights, and the all dreaded core workout.    There is something really sick about sit ups and push ups.

June- Have massive upper body strength to be able to rock my first surfing lesson on the Big Island.  Learning to surf is one of my bucket list items, and God knows that not only do I really want to be able to do it well, but I better look damn good doing it too.  Good thing the goal for May is to look good in a bathing suit.

July - Have a really fun birthday party.  And surprisingly enough, it will not be all about me.  We decided in the Tapley household that any birthday that ends in a 9 will be philanthropy type of party.  Since I am turning 39 I have decided to have a party where I ask everyone to bring at least one item to donate to  to Dress for Success.  It would be great to be able to have my own little "suit drive"!

August - Have a team ride with me in the Venus de Miles ride.  I road in this event last year for the first time and it was well done.  I am not sure I will commit to the 100 or even 67 mile course, but I will commit to getting more people together to go out and enjoy being on the road and supporting an amazing cause the Greenhouse Scholars.   This is a women's only ride, but if any of my male friends want to ride you can do so, you just have to do it in drag.

September - Complete without injury my first half Ironman triathlon.  The Harvest Moon has been recommended, so that is the plan for now.  And I have put the money down on the race so I am committed.  Lord help me.

I am sure there will be other halfs sprinkled in there.....

October - go on a girls only vacation to Disney World with my lovely girls and sister.  The goal will be to hide my blackberry from me during business hours and ride as many roller coasters as possible.

I think that covers me for the next few months.  Now I only need to commit to updating my blog more frequently with my progress.  I think for the first update I may have to post before picture of my abs and then in May post after picture.  Maybe that is not what the public needs to see, but it would keep me accountable.